bringing forth

Since September 2007 I have been helping out at Gawith Villa at rather irregular intervals, bringing intellectually-disabled clients to an art studio. I functioned basically as their art mentor, helping them as they go about drawing, painting and writing. Last year, there was Deanna, Sheryl and Cuong. When I resumed in August this year, only Deanna remained. Still it was a tremendous journey and one that through its ups and downs, brought me joy.

Deanna must present an interesting case to therapists and doctors. She is not afflicted with Down Syndrome, cerebral palsy or other common intellectual-disorders. She is also not wheelchair bound. Seen from a slight distance, she looks physically alright. The people at Gawith Villa explained to me that when she was young, she was placed in the Kew Cottages (an organisation that looked after the intellectually-disabled, it has since been closed down), although she was not diagnosed with any of the illnesses. In the Cottage, the care that was given to the children was apparently really bad. Deanna started out being fine, developing like most children would. However, being immersed in such an environment she started to pick up behavioural traits from others and forming them to become her own. Now she does not speak at all, preferring to use hummings and body language (like stamping her feet, tapping her head or pushing things presented to her away) to express herself.

I first got to know of Gawith Villa through my university's careers website. Taking half a year off studies, I decided to look for something to gainfully occupy my time in Australia. I thought: hmmm maybe there is something I can learn here and give back through service. At that time I was a lot more focused on the latter. Through time I realised that the people I was 'helping' with my able body and mind actually thought me infintely more about life in return.
Sounds like one of those 'cliched' stories with some moral saying attached at the end? Pause and push the cynicism aside for a while. Because it really is true. This world thinks that only the famous, well-off and well-connected have much to teach us about living on earth, so much so that they shape the choices we make. Yet wisdom reveals herself differently... in places found by those who fully seek her. I did not really search for wisdom when I began volunteering for I thought it was me who had much to give. God changed this perspective of mine and showed me wisdom's way.

Deanna loves drawing circles and spirals. Give her a piece of paper and a marker, colour pencil or crayon and she immediately responds by drawing these exuberant circles all over the surface. I realised a certain trend in the way she draws. When she begins she tends to do a scribble over the paper, almost like claiming the territory. She also usually draws in the part of the paper closer to her and draws in other parts when you point them out to her.
She also hardly takes the colouring tools by herself. I would either pass a colour to her or let her pick a favourite between a choice of 2 or 3 colours. Then with colour in her hand, it is get-go from the start. She will just draw and draw and draw. Sometimes the circles spill out of the border and Deanna will begin colouring the table beneath. Sometimes she will deliberately draw circles in the corners, tight concentrated circles, almost like she is marking out a frame.
There are scenes of dense whirls of pure colour. No shading. Sometimes the pressure is hard and the line is bold, assertive and confident. Sometimes a bit of pressure is released and the line becomes light, almost whimsical. The layers of colour build one on top of the other.

Ask her what the image means and she will not explain. Ask many of the clients what their image means and they may not give an answer that can satisfy the curiosity of a curator or art historian. I remember the bunch of us art mentors coming together to select artworks for an exhibition (Art, I Like It! now on at Malvern and Prahran town halls). Being the quiet subdued me, I watched and listened as they made curatorial decisions. I realised how truly difficult it is to make 'sense' of the mass of artworks in the studio - sense that is sense to us.
The clients hardly ever speak of how they feel when they make art. It is instinct. Crayon, brush, paper and go! Many of the mentors said likewise of their experiences. Not like us who think: oh if I draw a rose this way, it will look like a carnation.
This is not to value the clients' works as more 'pure or true to nature' than ours. It is simply a way of expression that can change our mindsets the more we allow ourselves to understand.

And what a process of engagement it was! Over time I found that I could call the works Deanna produce almost my own too. The execution is purely hers. But the choice of paper, choice of colouring material and choice of colours were all offered by me for her to make.
This made it such a joy. I could be a part of her discovery of art! I could be involved in the act of self-expression. =)

Yesterday something inconceivable happened. Deanna seemed rather moody, choosing not to colour anything. She placed all the markers back in the box and insistently pushed the paper away. She had scribbled spirals in yellow ink and had decided that that was it.
But she kept on sitting next to me instead of moving to her favourite massage chair a distance away. She looked on as I helped Kattie draw Christmas cards for Marina and Anthony.
Then she started drawing, nearly an hour on.

This time she was drawing long relaxed vertical wavy lines that are reminiscent of streamers! Marina was so delightfully taken aback that she said - Deanna you're drawing a party!
It was colourful. Instead of limiting a piece to the usual 4 - 6 colours, Deanna was using the whole palette available. There was even blue, a colour she does not fancy using much.
With heavy strokes she would press the marker tips strongly unto the surface. The result was vibrant and energetic.
I felt such joy and almost a tinge of pride to see how far she had come. And it was also officially my last day (though I intend to visit at least once more).

As she was leaving she stomped either foot once, making it sound like she was saying byebye. Cute! hahahaha
As for me, I told Marina I was going to take the works home. Keepsakes. Reminders that art can bring life with it.

The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display knowledge.
They have no speech, they use no words;
no sound is heard from them.
Yet their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.

In the heavens he has pitched a tent for the sun,
which is like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber,
like a champion rejoicing to run his course.
It rises at one end of the heavens
and makes its circuit to the other;
nothing is deprived of its warmth.

Wow I cannot believe it has taken me so long to getting down to writing a blog entry! It is not that I lacked time. It is just that somehow it took a while for me to find the motivation (tonight it is the completion of writing the conclusion for my thesis) and seriously, time is a precious resource that I am still learning to use well.
So many things have been happening. I have been preparing for a song and dance item for my church's upcoming women's conference. The theme is Freedom and the song is aptly titled Free to Love. It has been such a challenge for me and Mel as we are brought out of our comfort zones - me in dancing and for her, singing. We certainly did not think it would be so challenging when we said yes to putting up the item. Does this mean we will not persevere through? Of course not. Afterall the power and worth is to finish the race and finish it to the best possible.
But still, it is not a breeze. Acting out a monologue seems far easier than dancing solo against a screen that magnifies my silhouette. As for Mel it does not get simpler. She told me today that the microphone appears to swallow up all the effort she has been putting into her singing.
I need to practise on this item of mine. The reason for the lack of practise is simply explained out by the fact that my thesis is due on the same day the conference opens. Nearly 9 months of research, planning, writing, re-planning, re-writing and editing has culminated in just over 12,000 words on Dutch genre paintings of women at home. It really ought to be the big moment in my academic life and certainly I have learnt many things from it. However it has been crippled in some ways. One, time. Two, word limit. Three, that I am not fluent in Dutch and other European languages.
If there ever comes a time in the future when I get to pursue my own research and write another paper I hope that at least two of those three will not remain obstacles. Are there other things that I may be keen on writing about? Let me see... art of indigenous groups in China? the presence of a British colonial aesthetic in Singapore? returning to what sparked off my interest in art history... Vincent van Gogh? Is it no irony that I am still writing about Dutch art, albeit those made three centuries earlier?
After this I have a presentation the following week on my essay topic. Theoretically I should have confirmed my topic with my lecturer and finalised my essay proposal. Theoretically I should have already done significant research on the topic and be able to prepare a 15 minute presentation, complete with slides of images, and deliver it to a classroom audience of about 20 people. In reality, my lecturer felt the choice of case study for my topic was not the best and advised a change in direction. However I was so preoccupied with my thesis that I did not have time to research further. A brief scan through Google revealed a possible new option (though it certainly has to be backed up by time spent in the library). Chuck Frank Gehry out; enter Frank Stella? Frankly speaking... awww this is enough for the pun here is really in bad taste but I could not avoid it! ^^
Oh Lord! May I find strength in You who never tire. You grant joy and confidence who anchor their faith in You. I lift my eyes and hands toward You. Amen!

Here I am typing away on a sunny Wednesday afternoon. It is 1pm. I crawled out of bed at 835am but I am still chirpy. This is amazing.
Must be the cup of chai latte I just had. As I am currently taking driving lessons I have tried to cut back on my chai latte intake. A cup a week totals up to a significant amount of dosh. I must say I have been quite successful, this possibly being my fourth or fifth cup this year? The spiced brew from Mr Tulk [a cafe situated in the State Library and which is cleverly marketed as the book-loving individual's choice of hangout, even so shameless as to use a certain prominent forefather of Melbourne's history for its name] is average. But boasts these paper cups covered with the cafe's signature design. It is a mixture of geometry, bold black marker scribblings and patches of cute graffiti on a white background. I must admit what tempted me to purchase a drink from Tulks was the knowledge that they've cute cups and I can be seen toting one of them. So much for consumerism and vanity.

There is no end to the irony then when I started thinking about recycling my waste as I shuffled home with my brew. And to top it all off, as I collected my mail for the day, the monthly newsletter had a section on the facts of recycling. Here are a couple:
- On Glass: Every month we throw out enough glass bottles and jars to fill up a giant skyscraper. A modern glass bottle will take 4000 years or more to decompose and even longer if it is in the landfill.
- On Paper/Cardboard: To produce each week's Sunday newspapers, 500000 tress have to be cut down. If all our newspapers were recycled we can save about 25 million trees a year.

Hmmm, some food for thought. Some say that our generation is becoming increasingly aware of the damages we are doing to the environment - we are more concerned about social justice, environmental welfare and on the role we can play in looking after our world. Yet on the other hand reality provides its share of checks and balances and it becomes easy to either dismiss projects or any effort on our part as do-good-and-relieve-guilt endeavours, or worse still, we are numbed by facts, figures and initiatives.

Well, a portion of us have heard about Al Gore in An Inconvenient Truth and a few more on what he and a whole large community of scientists, engineers, social scientists, scholars etc. are doing to increase awareness of our destructive actions on the environment. It is all fine and dandy. But let us say that whether these guys are motivated by occupation, passion or inspiring leadership, we can also distance ourselves by saying that all this is not for us. That we do not see why our lifestyle preferences have to change because of statistics and warnings from smart guys who may live continents away from us. Research is research and daily life is daily life?

This sets me thinking. Given that there are a number of reasons for which we remain indifferent to/ignorant of this whole recycling affair: is it REALLY that HARD to recycle? Facts and figures can encourage or numb us to reality. Having said that, what about recycling takes so much wrecking of brains? Does it require us to fork out more money, consume copious amounts of our time, or strain our backs trying to lift heavy weights?

Well no, really. It can be as easy as placing a separate bin next to the bin where we throw food, wet matter or sticky icky items. And where we once threw paper, cardboard, glass, metal or plastic items we can direct it toward the other bin. I also had other ideas which I thought I'd throw in for good measure:
- Use energy-saving light bulbs, afterall they last longer and certainly more than make up for their initial higher cost. In addition they consume less energy.
- Sleep earlier. A revelation came one day when I switched off the lights in my apartment and looked across the road to the mammoth 44-storey block of apartments to see that 1/2 of the rooms' lights were switched on. Around Melbourne too there are shops who keep their window displays lit up throughout the night - what for? Think about the incremental savings you can make if you switch off the lights (or purchase energy-saving alternatives). Plus you contribute to a healthier environment at no severe costs to you. [though I was wondering if shops/offices/companies kept their lights on for security purposes. This says much about the trust we have in people living around us]
- Encourage Coles, Safeway or any supermarket to use paper bags instead or plastic ones. I think it is significantly better than using those 'environment' bags made of thick plastic-cloth material which may just about be harder to decompose and recycle than normal plastic bags. One question though: if we all use paper bags how do we contain wet waste matter like food scraps?
- Use tiffin containers. They were so popular long ago in Singapore and other parts of Asia. They are these awesome, long-lasting metal tins with a handle and two or three parts stacked one on top of the other. This way you can store, for example, rice in one part, vegetable in another, and meat in the last. My parents still use these once in a while instead of asking for takeaway meals to be packed in plastic boxes or waxed paper.
It struck me that we can ask for coffee or hot brews from the cafe to be poured into our own mugs wherever possible instead of using the usual paper cups with plastic lids. This way you can also be certain that you have not taken the wrong order especially during peak times when everyone is waiting for their cuppa.

Well these are my contributions to newfangled ideas on how to recycle. I reckon it is really not all that tedious and cumbersome as we (and I) tend to think it is. Of course what makes recycling a joy to participate in is when we realise the legacy you leave behind is not merely egged on by head knowledge, but a desire from the heart. =)

[please scroll down to the earlier post for the start of the story]
I took three subjects in the first semester apart from my fortnightly thesis supervision: the compulsory module Theories of Art History, Iconography and History and Philosophy of Museums. I have to iterate that I have great interest in my thesis topic and find the images so poignant, beautiful and inspiring that I truly thank God for opening this door for me that I may study them in depth. They are such a blessing, a true feast for the eyes and also for the soul. However even the, sometimes, repetitive work of reading book after book, article after article and going through copious amounts of art can dim our attention to detail and even the passion we originally started out with. It is easy to flip through exhibition catalogues and dismiss a painting of a mother with her child as just a variation of another similar work in the same genre.
Altogether so easy to miss out on the in-spiration behind the work: a testimony of the Holy Spirit's presence and ministry to an artist in that window of time.

Crunch time came in the middle of the semester. Already swamped with piles of readings and continuous planning and revision for my thesis, I realised that deadlines for other assignments were fast approaching. With a draft chapter for my thesis [around 3000 words] due 12 May, a Museums essay due 30 May [3000 words], Theories essay due 9 June [4500 words] and an Iconography essay due 11 June [4000 words], I was frantic. There were days when I would awake and the first thought on my mind was: Alright, today I am going to write this amount of words or read this amount of literature. My typical response was to slot the workload according to days, being so careful to take stock of my progress. It became such a challenge to pry my mind away from these 'to-dos' and to find rest in God, trusting Him to carry me through the period.

And He did, He really did, working in ways that till now astound me.

Firstly the deadlines moved (really!). My Museums essay received a week's extension and the Theories essay could be handed in a day later because the Queen's birthday fell on the 9th. This turned out well because my birthday fell on the 8th and I could quite merrily take a full day off. Secondly He taught me a lot about the material I was learning and the choices I make in a way that university is unable to.

At the start of the semester we were made to select a topic for Theories to present on and it was to become the basis for a full-fledged research essay. In less than two minutes flat, the topic I wanted was snatched up online. I signed up under the reserve slot but it was a no-go. All that I ended up having was the topic I wanted least - Ornament. I was absolutely devastated, recalling how I prayed the night before for God to grant me a slot for Reception Aesthetics. What was so interesting about arabesques, palmettes and those orderly intricate designs on Oriental rugs and Corinthian columns?? Afterall hasn't Western art marginalised ornament or decoration as excessive and of far lesser worth than the human figure? As I was prepping my presentation, I randomly selected a work by Matisse that was not even well-known. It turned out to be a stroke of grace. My lecturer thought it was highly apt and encouraged me to use it for my research essay. No sweat. God has just dropped this into my path and cleared the way for my research, which turned out to be straightforward and relatively easy. It is like the moment the image came everything else just fell in place. No competition for the books I needed to borrow and planning was such a breeze. God's gentle mercy. I will always remember what my lecturer said: Sometimes I think that these artworks mean much more than the paintings or sculptures we're so used to. They are discreet, part of the furniture, hidden somewhere, not the centerpiece. But yet they're so significant to that which they're part of. Well this was the gist of it. And this comes from a Baroque specialist no less.

I sense God telling me that it is not size that matters. That which we slight ever so often has a role to play. And sometimes it pays to take heed of these details - the seemingly small and insignificant for they have great worth and beauty too. You have a overwhelming Titian and also the ornamental motifs on the wooden frame surrounding it; the palatial Banquet of Cleopatra by Tiepolo and also the patterns on the figures' garments. Research was quite a ride. I came into contact with tifaifai (Polynesian applique quilts) and saw the evolution of the lotus flower into the palmette. They were amazing artists back then. =)

There was another incident that the Lord showed His amazing grace. With less than two weeks to research and write my essay on St Jerome for Iconography, there was an uphill battle to face. There were 3 other people writing on the same topic and there's this unmentioned pressure to be 'original'. In the last week of semester we were asked to briefly present on what we intend to write about. The other two girls present then were already researching on Jerome and I remember feeling extremely left out because I honestly had nothing much to say. Then somehow the thought of linking depictions of St Jerome to the ancient Greco-Roman philosopher model came to mind. InSpiration! The Lord is good. He knew the limitations I faced (there was severe competition for books in this case) and He was faithful all the way.

I never sensed such a strong presence from the Lord in my studies before as He inspired me and gave me clarity and the determination to see things through to the end without burning out. Things were not easy-peasy but the effort was worth it. The results are not in yet but that is not all there is to it, yeah? Above all the fact that I reached the other side still with hope alive for what is yet to come, is a testimony of the grace He showed me, and still shows me. I am so thankful to Him for carrying me all through the semester, every single day.

All praises to the Lord God Almighty!

It has been a long while since I last wrote anything on this blog, partly because I did not feel inspired to write an entry but really more so because I have been a bit too busy to put thoughts and experiences into words online.
The year has so far seen its fair share of challenges, many of which have yet to come to a conclusion. One of them has been the rigours of academic pursuit in the form of an Honours in Art History - that is the degree I hope to get which will in turn indicate that I passed everything (and well, too I do hope). So what is the challenge? Actually there were many challenges that emerged with the commencement of the academic year and throughout the semester.
For those who do not know, I took a semester off after graduating with a Bachelors degree last year even though my original intention was to press on with Honours right after. Why? Because I was experiencing burn-out and 1) could not foresee myself reading another journal article, 2) find my passion for the subject fading away, 3) did not even know what to write for my thesis. I guess to my parents it seemed a flagrant waste of money to pause my studies, indefinitely.
Yet the Lord came through for me in such a mighty way. Through a series of talks with people and a personal search for what truly spoke to my heart (which was confronting and on hindsight, as far from the typical art-history-grind as possible) I found it. The Art of the Dutch in the 17th century!
He has proven Himself so faithful. Upon submitting my application and then returning to Singapore after my visitor's visa ended, I never once doubted that I would get into the program. Not because I am a star student but because I know that He is going to work through me and teach me things in this phase of learning. It turned out that beginning the course was not as arduous and going through it. =)

I was looking for Studio Ghibli dvd collection amongst a stack of discs and chanced upon this double-cd collection of Angela Zhang's music from around 2 years back. My friend bought it for me when she went to China on a vacation. The sleeve was decently printed with rich colours, the spine had the artist's name and some title for the disc, and it had that requisite silver foil circular sticker on the cover. It seemed genuine, or was it?
Upon closer inspection the silver sticker just said H1.0278 - certainly not some recognised board that certifies it does not violate copyright laws.
But the telltale signs lay in the translation. It is really quite a laugh. I read the Mandarin and in loose translation it should roughly arrive at: The most sweet and moving music, female songbird Zhang Shao Han (Angela Zhang) wants to share with you the story of love/a love story...
It became:
It is very profesional to collect very beautiful,the super singer very on intimale terms
Go on riencly contact of cose quanter very
[all spelling, grammatical, punctuation mistakes were retained for authenticity and maximum effect]

I think they just got tired of coming up with actual words.

And my Ghibli discs have yet to be found.