bringing forth

Raphael, an Asian guy from France who considers himself French not Asian, is at a housewarming party.
Chris 'Willie' gets introduced to him. As per abnormal the subject of less-than-common names crops up. Chris does an Aussie double take on this new acquaintance's:
Raphael... That is like AFL, but not quite?

[AFL:- Australian Football League]

Today's morning devotion from Spurgeon is about waiting on Him, not a faithless stubborn wait but a prayerfilled, faithful and confident one.
How appropriate this is for me! Can I blame Him for not delivering His promises in the time I desire? Can I blame Him for not giving me what I want? It is easy to be deceived into thinking that getting a high paying job, a good looking mate, valedictory honours and praise for slinky dancing on the clubfloors as the best we can ever achieve in this stage of our lives. The above may be deemed as good but conjecturing is not the issue here.
When others have moved on and sought other purposes in life, are we still there holding on to a status hoping that this is all we've worked thus long for, and is where we want to remain till our end days draw near? Wait not on the desires and standards of the world because they are never constant. One day you can be a world-famous Pop artist, the next day critics discover the allure of NeoClassicism again and you become a living (perhaps)legend whose next big break may come when you are long passed away. Then again many will say you are lucky to have even been famous once.

I want to be renewed once more, in Spirit and in truth, and obedient in standing by my covenant with You.

'Now, Lord, not my will, but Yours be done. I know not what to do; I am brought to extremities, but I will wait until You shall cleave the floods, or drive back my foes. I will wait, if You keep me many a day, for my heart is fixed upon you alone, O God, and my spirit waits for You in the full conviction that You will yet be my joy and my salvation, my refuge and my strong tower.'
Amen.

by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Which is the weakest thing of all
Mine heart can ponder?
The sun, a little cloud can pall
With darkness yonder?
The cloud, a little wind can move
Where'er it listeth?
The wind, a little leaf above,
Though sere, resisteth?

What time that yellow leaf was green,
My days were gladder;
But now, whatever Spring may mean,
I must grow sadder.
Ah me! a leaf with sighs can wring
My lips asunder -
Then is mine heart the weakest thing
Itself can ponder.

Yet, Heart, when sun and cloud are pined
And drop together,
And at a blast, which is not wind,
The forests wither,
Thou, from the darkening deathly curse
To glory breakest, -
The Strongest of the universe
Guarding the weakest!

My heart is heavy. It has almost gained a life of its own. Never have I felt a heaviness so profound yet so inexplicable that it escapes any knowledge I associate with the concept of gravitas.
Well the line 'Then is mine heart the weakest thing/Itself can ponder' struck me quite poignantly. I do not regard the heart and the mind as separate entities but replace the word 'heart' with 'mind' in the line above, and it read, to me, as something true and yet so hard to explain in relation to my current situation.

Come unto me,
all you that labour and are heavy laden,
and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you,
and learn of me;
for I am meek and lowly in heart:
and you shall find rest unto your souls.

For my yoke is easy,
and my burden is light.

Yes with chicken... and I am not infringing on any copyrights. - . -
I recently heard a friend was going through quite a tough one with migraines and giddiness. That I can probably attribute, knowing that bit about her, to a poor diet and perhaps a rather lopsided lifestyle.
And I am concerned as to where all this is leading, or might lead.

So off I trekked to the asian grocers and started scouring the shelves for chinese herbs. In my left hand I held a packet of Eu Yan Sang vitality tonic soup. In it the kind manufacturers had portioned out all the ingredients necessary to make a good balanced brew. I stood there staring at the ingredients listed at the back of the packet - condon opsis, lycium whatever whatever, polygonatum and whatever whatever. One of the whatevers I never found, even upon looking at the chinese characters (I have never read characters on a supermarket's shelf label before); so I replaced it with red dates.
My friend and I figure dates will work. After all I remember mum using them for Sunday's soups. To the one(s) consuming the fruits of my culinary labour: hope they all work out for the better.

Good tonic soups are supposed to be balanced - not too heaty and not too cooling.

There is a slight problem. I am not sure how much of each to put. Going with the 'everything in moderation' maxim for most food, I hope it all goes well, balance included.

Honestly I am not sure if the soup is going to be of any significant help. If not it will at least have chicken. Which I am sure beats instant Japanese curry rice and Coke anytime.

As for migraines and the hidden inner workings of the body: the power lies in prayer.

I will always remember what Joshua said (the Lin who had much to say about everything): making friends is a choice, it is not about being naturally shy or introverted.

Even though I have used 'introvert' on many occasions before, I always wondered if it was more a convenient label than an all-encompassing description.

He said he was rather quiet last time and took awhile to make friends. Observing the ease with which he comes up with and expounds on any topic available, you're keen to think otherwise. What he said got me thinking quite a bit.

I am not the natural people person/party energiser (the meaning of natural will not find itself an exposition here) and for long I have chosen to assume it is true of myself. Associating myself with such a description was easy and comfortable and often a convenient means of escaping tacky social situations.

It was more likely a personal conviction than a public declaration, for who really passes through the door and proclaims his proclivity to be quiet and perhaps a tad unapproachable? And then of course the body language says so much more.

So why did I decide to write about such a choice here? Honestly I cannot fully explain why except I do not want to forget ever thinking about this issue, and posts simply allow me the privilege to read past entries and recall a strand of my thoughts.

Do I defend myself from the possibilities of being hurt by what strangers or new acquaintances might say? Have I allowed past experiences dictate (if I used 'affect' instead this question would have been a truism) how I relate to others?
Do I use certain newfound friendships as platforms where I can project all my insecurities onto - by boasting about what I am good at, or take it all out on others in hopes that doing such will reap fewer repercussions than with more seasoned friendships?
Has making friends become more an excursion of filling up gaping holes in our confidence and assurance of who we are than about love? Have relationships become stopgap measures undertaken to counter fear?

I just realised how disjointed this whole entry is. I guess I am reflecting on what my friends have said to me, how I have treated friendships before, and how my friends have treated me. All I can truly say is: realisation and self-awareness of what I had done is prompted by what others do to me.

Truth begets truth. Is that true?

Today my country of birth celebrates her 41st birthday. Granted. But tonight let me hold her in prayer - I pray that the depressed, oppressed and stressed out many will be saved from within their hearts. I pray that He will use the nation, which has been blessed so abundantly by His grace and grace alone; to bless others with food, a listening ear, medical supplies etc. I pray that we will not nestle in our comfort zones and ignore the world where many are needy and desperate for hope.
Lord there is a calling for this small nation. Help us respond passionately to Your plans for this world of ours, so wrecked by wars, plagues, famine, corruption and psychological malaise. Let us be humble servants with soft gentle hearts and joyful spirits that many, through our actions, can receive Your Light into their hearts and lives.

Hallelujah! Amen.