confessionals on the dashboard
I will always remember what Joshua said (the Lin who had much to say about everything): making friends is a choice, it is not about being naturally shy or introverted.
Even though I have used 'introvert' on many occasions before, I always wondered if it was more a convenient label than an all-encompassing description.
He said he was rather quiet last time and took awhile to make friends. Observing the ease with which he comes up with and expounds on any topic available, you're keen to think otherwise. What he said got me thinking quite a bit.
I am not the natural people person/party energiser (the meaning of natural will not find itself an exposition here) and for long I have chosen to assume it is true of myself. Associating myself with such a description was easy and comfortable and often a convenient means of escaping tacky social situations.
It was more likely a personal conviction than a public declaration, for who really passes through the door and proclaims his proclivity to be quiet and perhaps a tad unapproachable? And then of course the body language says so much more.
So why did I decide to write about such a choice here? Honestly I cannot fully explain why except I do not want to forget ever thinking about this issue, and posts simply allow me the privilege to read past entries and recall a strand of my thoughts.
Do I defend myself from the possibilities of being hurt by what strangers or new acquaintances might say? Have I allowed past experiences dictate (if I used 'affect' instead this question would have been a truism) how I relate to others?
Do I use certain newfound friendships as platforms where I can project all my insecurities onto - by boasting about what I am good at, or take it all out on others in hopes that doing such will reap fewer repercussions than with more seasoned friendships?
Has making friends become more an excursion of filling up gaping holes in our confidence and assurance of who we are than about love? Have relationships become stopgap measures undertaken to counter fear?
I just realised how disjointed this whole entry is. I guess I am reflecting on what my friends have said to me, how I have treated friendships before, and how my friends have treated me. All I can truly say is: realisation and self-awareness of what I had done is prompted by what others do to me.
Truth begets truth. Is that true?
Even though I have used 'introvert' on many occasions before, I always wondered if it was more a convenient label than an all-encompassing description.
He said he was rather quiet last time and took awhile to make friends. Observing the ease with which he comes up with and expounds on any topic available, you're keen to think otherwise. What he said got me thinking quite a bit.
I am not the natural people person/party energiser (the meaning of natural will not find itself an exposition here) and for long I have chosen to assume it is true of myself. Associating myself with such a description was easy and comfortable and often a convenient means of escaping tacky social situations.
It was more likely a personal conviction than a public declaration, for who really passes through the door and proclaims his proclivity to be quiet and perhaps a tad unapproachable? And then of course the body language says so much more.
So why did I decide to write about such a choice here? Honestly I cannot fully explain why except I do not want to forget ever thinking about this issue, and posts simply allow me the privilege to read past entries and recall a strand of my thoughts.
Do I defend myself from the possibilities of being hurt by what strangers or new acquaintances might say? Have I allowed past experiences dictate (if I used 'affect' instead this question would have been a truism) how I relate to others?
Do I use certain newfound friendships as platforms where I can project all my insecurities onto - by boasting about what I am good at, or take it all out on others in hopes that doing such will reap fewer repercussions than with more seasoned friendships?
Has making friends become more an excursion of filling up gaping holes in our confidence and assurance of who we are than about love? Have relationships become stopgap measures undertaken to counter fear?
I just realised how disjointed this whole entry is. I guess I am reflecting on what my friends have said to me, how I have treated friendships before, and how my friends have treated me. All I can truly say is: realisation and self-awareness of what I had done is prompted by what others do to me.
Truth begets truth. Is that true?
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