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bringing forth

a little notebook to scribble simple thoughts, inspired devotions and deep, quiet laments in.

 

where is my heart at now?

Have I been robbed of the true joy when I least knew it? Have I been trying to convince myself that there is still much joy in my life when I still have not fully recovered from all the afflictions I have lived through over the past few months?

Lord, I yearn to discover that heart of true joy once more. It is more than friendships or circumstances can provide. Yes they are important to me and without great friendships and the awesome circumstances they birth into being I cannot be where I am at.

But Lord, oh Lord, I am crying because I know that a part of me is so so broken. A part of me is afraid I cannot have the joy so lodged within me before once again.

I am so sorry Jesus for doubting You could ever fully heal me of the pain, the torment, the grieving that just keeps coming back and never seems to end.

There is none like You
No one else can touch my heart like You do
I could search for all eternity long
And find there is none like You
Your mercy flows like a river wide
And healing comes from Your hands
Suffering children are safe in Your arms
There is none like You
My Wonderful Counsellor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace, Holy Spirit, I do not want to lose my source of Joy. Only You know the state of my heart, how messy it has become over the past months, how brokenness follows brokenness, how thin and frail my self has become.
I need You to heal me once more. Fix up the brokenness because Lord I am tired of the despair. Holy Spirit set me free and soaring on Your wings of peace and love.
I can hold up in front of my loved ones, smile for them and laugh with them, listen to their troubles. But Lord only You know the struggles I go through. I invite You to take charge of my life. I repent for all the many times I ignored the call of Your voice, when I struggled to bear and handle my burdens. I have been stubborn.
Holy Spirit I am running dry and I am near barren. I welcome You in once more to fill me. No more rituals or running through the motions. Emmanuel, You are here with me always. I thank You for always drawing me back to You. And I need You ever so much more now.
Lord I need the joy only You can give me.

 

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