bringing forth

I wish I am less a blob.
A conversation over Msn with a friend set me thinking. Will I ever be passionate in anything to pursue it intently and not give up or let it fade away? The problem with me is that I am obstinate and easy-going with most things. I do not like making decisions (of a certain sort) but there are somethings I am extremely finicky about. I am a perfectionist and also a willing softy.
If I dared to chase after my strengths and passions years back, I cannot be sure if I will be doing arts right now.
What will I be doing? Possibly fine arts, design, dance or theatre. What design? Graphic, fashion or product. What dance? Jazz, ballet or contemporary. Theatre? Writing scripts, directing, costume, props... and acting.
I miss acting, very much. The ability to deceive and convince at will. A covert power over the audience. I miss the space of the stage, the darkened room, the numerous pairs of eyes angled in my direction, the sound of my voice bouncing off every surface around.
But the gap between me and those who dared to take the steps, and that gap is significant indeed, is established by the difference between wanting and needing. I wanted to and still want to but I never felt the need to. I wished I had the talent others had. Now I realise it is not just about having talent.
Some talk about admiring others for what they are good at. I admire too but it is coloured differently. I admire what they do and have become good at.