Undeserving of anomie?
Sometimes we blame others when relationships go wrong or when we're wounded badly, but have we asked ourselves if we have placed ourselves in a position where we make ourselves vulnerable?
Have we made excuses for how we handled our feelings so carelessly? allowed ourselves to be ignorant to the resistances of our hearts and minds? How often have we made ourselves victims of our own choices?
I write this is response to a friend's current plight, one she has landed herself in largely out of her own doing. And which has correspondingly instigated me to think of what I have done in the past. It is no longer about gauging how the balance tilts - who caused more damage in the relationship and who started the downward spiral. I wished it was less of me but honestly that is selfishness.
There are many things I want to say to her like - You shouldn't have started something when you knew it was going to mess up your emotions, amongst others. But I should really speak more to myself. If it is so obvious looking from the outside, why do I not realise it from the inside, me being within me all the time?
On to self-induced vulnerability: it was a matter of momentum. By the time I realised how much leeway I have given to that ball of an issue, it was several steps ahead of me and I sure did not know how to stop it. My friend was not going to stop my ball for me, hers was playing an entirely different game with her.
And I guess likewise with this other friend of mine. I told her she wasn't very immature. She knows but she doesn't do what she knows she should do. Does that count for immaturity? Well a little but that does not discount her self-knowledge.
We are all chasing for things we can never possess. So why do so many of us still continue a chase we know we cannot win?
More than the object or subject we are chasing after is the idea behind the chase. Empowerment comes not first with achieving what we desire but primarily with knowing that what we run after leads us to where and what we want to be.
Have we made excuses for how we handled our feelings so carelessly? allowed ourselves to be ignorant to the resistances of our hearts and minds? How often have we made ourselves victims of our own choices?
I write this is response to a friend's current plight, one she has landed herself in largely out of her own doing. And which has correspondingly instigated me to think of what I have done in the past. It is no longer about gauging how the balance tilts - who caused more damage in the relationship and who started the downward spiral. I wished it was less of me but honestly that is selfishness.
There are many things I want to say to her like - You shouldn't have started something when you knew it was going to mess up your emotions, amongst others. But I should really speak more to myself. If it is so obvious looking from the outside, why do I not realise it from the inside, me being within me all the time?
On to self-induced vulnerability: it was a matter of momentum. By the time I realised how much leeway I have given to that ball of an issue, it was several steps ahead of me and I sure did not know how to stop it. My friend was not going to stop my ball for me, hers was playing an entirely different game with her.
And I guess likewise with this other friend of mine. I told her she wasn't very immature. She knows but she doesn't do what she knows she should do. Does that count for immaturity? Well a little but that does not discount her self-knowledge.
We are all chasing for things we can never possess. So why do so many of us still continue a chase we know we cannot win?
More than the object or subject we are chasing after is the idea behind the chase. Empowerment comes not first with achieving what we desire but primarily with knowing that what we run after leads us to where and what we want to be.
for this post
Leave a Reply