bringing forth

Here I am typing away in my univeristy's computer lab in the Criminology building, feeling a bit daunted by the task of having to write an essay on crime and the justice system. I am unwilling to be tempted into lapsing into a pity-party but when it comes to assignments, I find it ironic that I am excusing the swirl of emotions for the sake of intellectual pursuit. So yeah. I do not find criminology attractive, four weeks into studying it.
The subject reads Crime Policy: A Sociological Approach. Where's the sociology? The links to my declared major can seem rather tenuous when I am lost in a forest of meanings, when I don't even have a map of understanding to begin with. Habermas? Weber? Durkheim? It is strangest strangest when I understand an article summarising Durkheim's theories and briefly expounding on his writings more than I do Durkheim.
Does this make his writing unnecessary?

Which brings me to my beloved tagboard and the spectres with rather cute monikers circulating within. I wish I could delete all offensive material off there. But then if I chose to leave them there, the childishness and ignorance is left for all out there to witness.

Last night was quite something. I know I am frustrated, just absolutely perplexed with how He's working. So many stops, so many barricades faced, when will a through road come into full view? Lord, where are You? Show Yourself please. I don't know how long I have to wait. It's been nearly 6 months since I first prayed about it, what more need I do?
Why this entire roundabout? Why bring me through so much of this? I am caught between taking up a position of quiet waiting and just well, ranting.
I know how easy it is for me to tell myself and accept the former. I am sure You know my capacity to do any of the above. But right now I am vacillating, with this urge to lurch into the latter.
To say I am satisfied and happy is a lie. There are many other things which bring me joy, no doubt, but there is a hole which gapes wide open which each passing day. Father I don't want to languish here anymore. I need some answer from You.
Lord something has to come through. Where are You?

Haiz, I am not feeling on top of my game, or any game for that matter.
Firstly I have no living space of my own which tremendously impedes the reading of my texts. Knowing how finicky I get with doing my assignments - from critically reading material to manually planning drafts to writing essays to editing them, I wonder how I have to make do in an occasion when everything seems so difficult?
Amongst a host of other things, I am frustrated, stressed and tired out, more mentally and emotionally than physically. The temptation of sleeping through the days, ignoring the passing of the world is considerable.
Oh Lord, when will all this end? Get me out of here. I have about had enough. I do not know exactly why all these matter to me but somehow they do. Father, where are You? I want to hear from You.

I miss my sis! Ahhhhh.........
I miss having her type away in the dialogue boxes on my MSN account to my friends, and have them all confused as to which sis is actually chatting with them. It is all great because there is this deepening sense of trust between us, that I know she will not harbour ill intentions or, in cases of a lack of intuition, mess up what matters to me.
I miss her dry sarcasm which in such inexplicable ways compliments mine (or is it because we share the same wit??). It is downright invigorating to have us both observe a situation and respond in a 'yeah right' kind of manner. Almost like laying our cards down on a table, with her becoming even more adept than me at it.
Best thing about her is that she is humble. An endearing sense of humility that I see as being one of her strongest traits. She does not play up her abilities, neither does she downplay them. She just simply does not make issue of them. Which is great, considering how I do not regard myself as being very humble at all.

Haiz I think I just miss spending simple times with someone who is not quick to judge, who takes life as it is, and is beautiful in all her maturing simplicity.