bringing forth

Draw me close to You
Never let me go
I lay it all down again
To hear You say that I'm Your friend

You are my desire
No one else will do
Cause nothing else could take Your place
To feel the warmth of Your embrace

Help me find the way, bring me back to You

You're all I want
You're all I've ever needed
You're all I want
Help me know You are near

Kelly Carpenter

It is less than a month to an earlier-than-usual return to Singapore. I never thought the year would turn out this way. I am not pursuing my Honours degree in July as planned. I bought a ticket back home which made my trips as a whole more expensive than anticipated because I was initially intending to return for good next July.

And the past six months has been a wrestle with God over issues of condemnation, sin, judgment, faith, surrender, commitment, my inheritance and love. The nature of love, what it is - in all its acquired fleshly reality, emotional and mental and spiritual dimensions, undercurrents and my gosh! all those stories in films, novels, poetry and songs which I once thought were cliched, I can now identify with.

The heartaches, the hurts, the joys, the pleasurable moments spent reflecting on good times... all were there. Suddenly I felt I was drawn tightly, relentlessly into the realness of human existence. The questions others tussled with, and which the indifferent me once dismissed as stuff beyond me, are also the questions I now ask.

Many of which I am unable to fully and adequately answer; and some of which I may never be able to.

Sometimes I wished I was back home. A foolish idea that suggested I could escape everything here or at least put things on hold till I came back to Melbourne. If I did.

Pray for me. Full release yeah? Yes please.