Making It Big
Psalm 144
'LORD, what are human beings that you care for them,
mere mortals that you think of them?
They are like a breath;
their days are like a fleeting shadow.'
I have not posted any devotions on this blog for a long time. Why now I do not quite know, but I'll just let the Spirit lead in these writings.
In all honesty, in the whole corpus of human history; in comparison to all around me, humans and animals and creation and creation - I am that small. Really. He has seen the passing of times, civilisations and empires. He has witnessed the gradual corrosion of the earth He created. He has seen how the elaborate and infinitely beautiful home He has built for those He loves and makes in His image, being slowly laid to waste by... us.
Nothing is perfect about me. All my achievements - from putting together a fine-looking outfit to writing an award-winning poem to topping the class in an examination, can never draw me closer to perfection. How can it be when these achievements can become keys which unlock a heart wrecked by spite, fear, pride, envy as I compare myself against the images set by others? And it is because I hold on to these worldly standards that days do become fleeting shadows. For who is fully immersed in light if every moment is spent hiding in the murkiness of a spirit so used to chasing after that which has little light of its own, if any at all?
Father, why me? I who tire easily and whines and despairs and sits around wondering when the next buzz will arrive? I am merely mortal. Yet in all my mortality You can still see hope and in whom You still have much faith in. I am fallible. Strip everything off me and lay me bare, without all the accoutrements I have attained over the years living here, and I am small and weak and still immature in the desires I harbour in my heart.
But I want my heart to grow bigger, knowing that You desire far larger things for me. Grant me the faith to nurture a gentle, patient and discerning heart large enough to believe in the great visions You have for Your people. Forgive me for I have grown insular and selfish. The thoughts I think about myself have outnumbered those I think of You and others. Yet You continue thinking about me - not bad thoughts but good ones, ones meant to prosper me and this world I live in. Father I pray for a change in my heart and a strengthening of my faith. Please ignite fresh new hopes in me that they may empower me to see beyond the limitations of my own faculties.
I have been praying for passion, passion, passion. Now I want to pray for something new. I pray that I'll slowly come to full understanding of how great Your love is for me, for people and for the home You created for us. I pray that my desire to know You more and more will never be superceded by my passions to serve Your kingdom. I want You, Holy Spirit, to blossom in a heart that is big for You. I need realignment Father. The only One who knows how to go about this is You. Teach me how to pray and wait this through, to trust sitting on Your shoulders and to remain actively faithful through it all.
Even though I may seem small; I know and want You to be big in me, my Lord and Saviour, Friend and Comforter, all in all.
'LORD, what are human beings that you care for them,
mere mortals that you think of them?
They are like a breath;
their days are like a fleeting shadow.'
I have not posted any devotions on this blog for a long time. Why now I do not quite know, but I'll just let the Spirit lead in these writings.
In all honesty, in the whole corpus of human history; in comparison to all around me, humans and animals and creation and creation - I am that small. Really. He has seen the passing of times, civilisations and empires. He has witnessed the gradual corrosion of the earth He created. He has seen how the elaborate and infinitely beautiful home He has built for those He loves and makes in His image, being slowly laid to waste by... us.
Nothing is perfect about me. All my achievements - from putting together a fine-looking outfit to writing an award-winning poem to topping the class in an examination, can never draw me closer to perfection. How can it be when these achievements can become keys which unlock a heart wrecked by spite, fear, pride, envy as I compare myself against the images set by others? And it is because I hold on to these worldly standards that days do become fleeting shadows. For who is fully immersed in light if every moment is spent hiding in the murkiness of a spirit so used to chasing after that which has little light of its own, if any at all?
Father, why me? I who tire easily and whines and despairs and sits around wondering when the next buzz will arrive? I am merely mortal. Yet in all my mortality You can still see hope and in whom You still have much faith in. I am fallible. Strip everything off me and lay me bare, without all the accoutrements I have attained over the years living here, and I am small and weak and still immature in the desires I harbour in my heart.
But I want my heart to grow bigger, knowing that You desire far larger things for me. Grant me the faith to nurture a gentle, patient and discerning heart large enough to believe in the great visions You have for Your people. Forgive me for I have grown insular and selfish. The thoughts I think about myself have outnumbered those I think of You and others. Yet You continue thinking about me - not bad thoughts but good ones, ones meant to prosper me and this world I live in. Father I pray for a change in my heart and a strengthening of my faith. Please ignite fresh new hopes in me that they may empower me to see beyond the limitations of my own faculties.
I have been praying for passion, passion, passion. Now I want to pray for something new. I pray that I'll slowly come to full understanding of how great Your love is for me, for people and for the home You created for us. I pray that my desire to know You more and more will never be superceded by my passions to serve Your kingdom. I want You, Holy Spirit, to blossom in a heart that is big for You. I need realignment Father. The only One who knows how to go about this is You. Teach me how to pray and wait this through, to trust sitting on Your shoulders and to remain actively faithful through it all.
Even though I may seem small; I know and want You to be big in me, my Lord and Saviour, Friend and Comforter, all in all.
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