Taken and forsaken
Let me get to the pith of it all. There are many things I have taken for granted in my twenty years of life. The older I get, the more I assume I deserve certain things and how other things will come through it all, no matter what I do or do not do.
I realised it is not about losing things, although this almost certainly jolts me into greater awareness, but more about how I think about what my life is made up of. Some things are always there and I, in moments of intense, quiet reflection and indulgent regurgitation of thoughts I have dug up and buried and dug up once more, suddenly experience epiphanies. Of late they have been spiritual epiphanies.
I find lists reductive but they work better in blog entries, because hey, this is not an essay.
1. Mummy's love. My friend said a family's love for you is almost Christ-like and this I can definitely say for sure about my family's. Not everyone comes from a loving family although one is highly desirable. Loving family or not, a mother's love is incomparable. My mum would wake up in the middle of the night to attend to my whines and groanings, be the only one who fully cares for a sick me, and traverse the heights and depths of the world just for me. After all she carried the weight of little me before I even saw her face.
2. Sight. I am a person who responds and behaves in relation to visuals. Imagine watching a television without either red-blue-or green. Losing all three is both a handicap and a blessing under much disguise. You do not need to be an artist to perceive life and beauty, straightly speaking everyone knows beauty the moment they meet it. What would I not do if I were blind? I would not worry about pimples, the early setting of the sun in winter, how well coordinated my clothes are or how people look at me on the streets. Have I lost touch with my capacity to understand the heartbeat of true beauty?
3. Sleep. We give thanks for the food we eat, and rightfully so. However how often do we wake up in the morning and thank Him for a good night's rest? Even now I do not gratefully pray for this every morning. I should, we all should. A migraine, stomach cramp or sore throat could keep someone up for the whole night. Issues that poorly measure up to the magnus opus of life - like a relationship gone wrong, a mistake at work or poor grades, can eat away at your mind and soul and drag you further away from a full night's sleep. I freaked out when what came so naturally to others and myself once, was no longer as natural anymore. While tough times have passed, I do not presume anything to be my birthright anymore.
4. Friends. To me, they are more important than finding a new partner whenever one relationship ends. Who will provide a listening ear and words of comfort and encouragement when other people have moved on and away from the life they once shared with you? I am deeply thankful for the 'constants' in my life, people who do not change with the seasons in life. I am not saying boyfriends are not worth it but rather that friends are truly worth it.
5. Him. It seems like it is only when things turn bad and start pressing on me that I turn to Him for help. Instead of constant praise and thanksgiving, I have allowed self-pity and selfishness get the better of me. Say I am human, that I know, and I am not perfect. In my short walk with Him I have allowed somethings to slip out of my prayers. But He has been gracious, irrationally and unconditionally so. He triumphs over everything esle in my list so far. The others are great, I never once doubted this conviction whilst writing this entry, yet He will stand by me till the end of days. He has never taken me for granted before.
Do you take me for granted? Do you take yourself for granted?
I once thought I could hold certain things in the palm of my hand. Now I know I have to surrender them all to Him.
I realised it is not about losing things, although this almost certainly jolts me into greater awareness, but more about how I think about what my life is made up of. Some things are always there and I, in moments of intense, quiet reflection and indulgent regurgitation of thoughts I have dug up and buried and dug up once more, suddenly experience epiphanies. Of late they have been spiritual epiphanies.
I find lists reductive but they work better in blog entries, because hey, this is not an essay.
1. Mummy's love. My friend said a family's love for you is almost Christ-like and this I can definitely say for sure about my family's. Not everyone comes from a loving family although one is highly desirable. Loving family or not, a mother's love is incomparable. My mum would wake up in the middle of the night to attend to my whines and groanings, be the only one who fully cares for a sick me, and traverse the heights and depths of the world just for me. After all she carried the weight of little me before I even saw her face.
2. Sight. I am a person who responds and behaves in relation to visuals. Imagine watching a television without either red-blue-or green. Losing all three is both a handicap and a blessing under much disguise. You do not need to be an artist to perceive life and beauty, straightly speaking everyone knows beauty the moment they meet it. What would I not do if I were blind? I would not worry about pimples, the early setting of the sun in winter, how well coordinated my clothes are or how people look at me on the streets. Have I lost touch with my capacity to understand the heartbeat of true beauty?
3. Sleep. We give thanks for the food we eat, and rightfully so. However how often do we wake up in the morning and thank Him for a good night's rest? Even now I do not gratefully pray for this every morning. I should, we all should. A migraine, stomach cramp or sore throat could keep someone up for the whole night. Issues that poorly measure up to the magnus opus of life - like a relationship gone wrong, a mistake at work or poor grades, can eat away at your mind and soul and drag you further away from a full night's sleep. I freaked out when what came so naturally to others and myself once, was no longer as natural anymore. While tough times have passed, I do not presume anything to be my birthright anymore.
4. Friends. To me, they are more important than finding a new partner whenever one relationship ends. Who will provide a listening ear and words of comfort and encouragement when other people have moved on and away from the life they once shared with you? I am deeply thankful for the 'constants' in my life, people who do not change with the seasons in life. I am not saying boyfriends are not worth it but rather that friends are truly worth it.
5. Him. It seems like it is only when things turn bad and start pressing on me that I turn to Him for help. Instead of constant praise and thanksgiving, I have allowed self-pity and selfishness get the better of me. Say I am human, that I know, and I am not perfect. In my short walk with Him I have allowed somethings to slip out of my prayers. But He has been gracious, irrationally and unconditionally so. He triumphs over everything esle in my list so far. The others are great, I never once doubted this conviction whilst writing this entry, yet He will stand by me till the end of days. He has never taken me for granted before.
Do you take me for granted? Do you take yourself for granted?
I once thought I could hold certain things in the palm of my hand. Now I know I have to surrender them all to Him.
so much for getting to the pith of the matter... i just rambled on.